“Mama
Bao, Mama Bao (Mummy, hold me)!”, you kept wailing, your voice thin
with anxiety and your eyes watered. For a moment, I wanted to pick you
up, to wipe the worries from your little face. But I couldn’t. Sorry,
my dear, I simply couldn’t. The only reason you refused to stand on
your own feet is that you were scared. But you had to conquer your
fear.
"Mummy
won’t hold you. Come after me, dear, you are a little boy now, you know
you can do it." I said, trying to sound cheerful and inject some
soothing forces into my voice. But you still felt uneasy about this
unfamiliar place, and you started to shriek in protest at not getting
what you had asked for. “Mummy is leaving now. Come on.” I took my
heart to leave you behind. I could hear you crying behind. I couldn’t
look back because I knew if I turned around I would forget everything
and scooped you up.
Turning
a corner, I stopped and hided behind the pillar. For a while, you
seemed to be frozen there, not knowing what to do. From the distance, I
could plainly saw your frustration, your bewilderment and fear. “Yao ban, yao
ban (I’ll fall).”you jabbered desperately, the words wavering as if I
heard them through an imperfect sound system. I stepped behind from the
pillar, and opened my arms to you. Once you found me, you toddled
forward and plunged into my arms.
You
had a very disturbing night. Troubled by nightmares, you still wailed
in your dreams: “Mama Bao, Mama Bao.” You nestled closer, trying to
find assurance from my body. My
dear, I don’t want to push you too hard. Truthfully, I have no
ambitions for you, standard, yes, but not ambitions. All I want is you
to be happy and healthy. To achieve that, you have to be brave. If you
lost courage to explore the world, you would spend your entire life in
a self-made prison----and you would loose many opportunities to
actually live your life. Mummy just want you to pluck up your courage
and face your own fear. Don't be afraid of falling down. It might hurt,
but it will help you to learn run.
Please forgive me, if I were too harsh on you.